The tale of the Revoker; quite possibly a tragedy of our times (Editors note: the title is truer than you think; it's a tragedy of writing, I tell you!)...

The Ristorante was moderately busy, but the customers were unusually quiet. The Resonator, suffering from a serious metaphysical flu, was hiberating in the highest tower of the Ristorante's keep, which, due to peculiar design, was situated in the sub-basement, along with the Merry-Go-Round and the Aardvark Petting Zoo. The Reviler was out; no one had cared to ask where he was going at the time, and the Revealer was sitting at the bar, reading aloud the memoirs of Mr. Uhm-buki.

"Ah, now here is an interesting bit," the Revealer said, "the strange tale of the Chess match..." The Revealer looked around, noticing that no-one seemed to be paying any attention to what he said. "I said, the strange tale of the Chess match, the one which the Revoker lost." The Revealer smiled slightly with his non-existant mouth when he noticed several ears twitching at the sound of his words. "Still, I am sure the Resonator wouldn't appreciate me telling this tale..."

The air around the Revealer compacted, causing small drops of water to form and fall to the ground, due to the small crowd that had suddenly formed around him.

"Oh, hello. Can I get you a drink?" the Revealer said to the waiting mass.

"Uh, that book you're reading..." Wtcher began.

"Yes?" The Revealer feigned surprise.

"The Revoker bit. I'm sure your brother would never know if you read out a small section to us." Wtcher looked eagerly at the Revealer. "Just a small bit? Please?"

The Revealer's non-existant grin grew large by several metres.

"Well, if you insist."

The crowd nodded.

"Okay then. But I'll tell the story; Mr. Uhm-buki's diary is a tad dry."

The Endgame.

The Revoker, as many of you might remember, had been suffering badly at the hands of his brothers, which is mainly me. He had just been dealt a hand worse than fate; the Fabulous Dancing Revoker Twins. Of course, he had them muffled and tied to a chair, but that didn't stop them from annoying him, and he badly played a few moves in the endgame. His only hope was to play a card. And my, what a play it was.

As soon as it fell upon the board, and Ristorante changed. The setting was a huge stage, and a large orchestra had formed at its foot, for it was modelled on the form of a giant, and haunting music began to play. We all found ourselves rushing off stage, tapping our feet to beats we had never heard before. The lights dimmed, and a host of your fellow dragons swept out from the wings and settled themselves in a huddle upon the upper tier of the stage, surrounding the cloaked form of the Revoker. A guitar began to whine, and from off stage stepped Dracos.

REVOKER, SUPERSTAR

Starring the Revoker, Dracos Dragon, Wtcher Dragon, Stilton Dragon, Frenetic Dragon, Paulon Dragon, the Mundaneful and a cast of thousands...

REVOKING ON THEIR MINDS

DRACOS

My mind is clearer now - at last all too well I can see where we all soon will be
If you strip away the myth from the Mundane you will see where we all soon will be
Revoker! You've started to believe
The things they say of you
You really do believe
All this revoking will come true
And all the good you've done
Will soon get swept away
You've begun to matter more
Than the revokes you say

Listen Revoker I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me
And remember - I've been your left hand dragon all along
You have have freed them from the cream
They believe your powers are supreme
And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong

I remember when followers you started to gain
No talk of power then - we called you Mundane
And believe me - my admiration for you hasn't died
But every revoke you do this day
Gets twisted round some other way
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied

Reality your favourite son should have stayed a great unknown
In the other’s petty fights- he’d be all right.
Tables chairs and oaken chests, well fitting polyester vests
He'd have cause nobody harm-no-one alarm

Listen Revoker do you care for your kind?
Don't you see what we must within their minds?
They aren’t occupied-have you forgotten how time they have?
I am frightened by the crowd
For you are getting much too loud
And they'll crush us if you go too far
If you go too far!

Listen Revoker to the warning I give
Please remember that I want you to live
But it's sad to see your chances weakening with every hour
All your enemies are blind
Too much cream in their minds
It was tasty but now it's sour
Yes it's all gone sour

"The audience," began the Revealer, "were lapping up the sounds and jiving to the grooves. Well, I say the audience, but really it was just Mr. Uhm-buki."

WHAT'S THE BUZZ

SUPPORTERS

What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening

REVOKER

Why should you want to know?
Don't you care about the splutting? Don't you ever think ahead?
Why save tomorrow for tomorrow, when you can eat pastry instead?

SUPPORTERS

What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening

REVOKER

I could give you fruits and fillings - I could give you sweet puff pastry
Even tell you what they’re baking

SUPPORTERS

When do we post to the newsgroup?

REVOKER

Why should you want to know?
Why are you obsessed with the splutting? Avoiding spluts you can’t defy?
If you knew the pies that we're baking you'd eat them less than I

SUPPORTERS

What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening

WTCHER

Let me try to cool down the pies a bit

REVOKER

That feels nice, so nice
Wtcher that is good - While you prattle about your suppers - where and when and who and how
Wtcher alone has tried to give me what I need right here and now

SUPPORTERS

What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening

"Well, Mr. Uhm-buki was still watching, although whether that meant we were good, or perhaps really bad, we didn't know..."

STRANGE THING SPLUTIFYING

DRACOS

It seems to me a strange thing; splutifying
That a Mundane like you can waste his time on dragons of that kind

STILTON

Hey cool it man

DRACOS

Yes I can understand that it amuses
But to let it eat your pies, is hardly in your line
It's not that I object to all its baking
But Wtcher doesn't fit in well with what you teach and say
It doesn't help us if you're inconsistent
They only need a small excuse to put us all away

REVOKER

Who are you to criticise it? Who are you to despise it?
Leave it, leave it, let it be now
Leave it, leave it, it's with me now
If your plate is clean - then you can throw scones
If your plate is not then leave her alone
I'm amazed that dragons like you can be so shallow, thick and slow
There is not one among you who knows or cares if I come or go

ALL (save DRACOS)

No you're wrong! You're very wrong! How can you say that?

REVOKER

Not one-not one of you!

"The lights dimmed, and the Revoker and his disciples were replaced by my brother and I..."

THEN WE ARE DECIDED

REVILER

We've been sitting on the fence for far too long

REVEALER

Why let him upset us
Reviler let him be
All those imbeciles will see
He really doesn't matter

REVILER

The Revoker is important
We've let him go his way before
And while he starts a splutting war
We theorise and chatter

REVEALER

He's just another manifest revoking
version from Reality

REVILER

The difference is they like him so
The difference frightens me

What about the Dragons?
When they see the Revoker crowned
Do you think they'll stand around
Cheering and applauding?

What about the us manifests?
If they see we've lost our nerve
Don't you think that they deserve
Something more rewarding?

REVEALER

They've got what they want
They think so anyway
If he's what they want
Why take their toy away?
He's a craze

REVILER

Put yourself in my place
I can hardly step aside
Cannot let my hands be tied
I am law and order

What about our presence?
Don't you see that we could fall?
If we are to last at all
We cannot be divided

REVEALER

Then say so to our brothers
But don't rely on subtlety
Frighten them or they won't see

REVILER

Then we are decided?

REVEALER

Then we are decided

"My words spoken; my brother's shouted, we retired off stage, as the screaming mass of Revoker supporters returned to torture us. It probably would have been better if it had been performed on roller-skates..."

EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT

WTCHER

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
recipes that upset you, oh don't you know
Everything's alright yes everything's fine
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the world turn without you tonight
If we try we'll get by so forget all about us tonight

DRAGONS

Everything's alright yes everything's alright yes

WTCHER

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you
Cream for your hot forehead oh then you'll feel
Everything's alright yes everthing's fine
And it's cool and the pastry’s sweet
For the fire in your head and feet
Close your eyes close your eyes
And relax think of nothing tonight

DRAGONS

Everything's alright yes everything's alright yes

DRACOS

Woman your fine condiments-brand new and expensive
Could have been saved for the splutted
Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe
Three hundred thousand litres of custard
People who are splutted, people who aren’t eating
Matter more than your cooking fetishes

WTCHER

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
recipes that upset you oh don't you know
Everything's alright yes everything's fine
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the world turn without you tonight
If we try we'll get by so forget all about us tonight

DRAGONS

Everything's alright yes everything's alright yes

REVOKER

Surely you're not saying we have the resources
To save the splutted from their lot?
There will be splutters always, pathetically posting - Look at the
good things you've got!
Think! while you still have me
Move! while you still see me
You'll be lost and you'll be so sorry when I'm gone

WTCHER

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you
Cream for your hot forehead oh then you'll feel
Everything's alright yes everything's fine
And it's cool and the pastry’s sweet
For the fire in your head and feet
Close your eyes close your eyes
And relax think of nothing tonight
Close your eyes close your eyes and relax

ALL

Everything's alright yes everything's alright yes

"The stage cleared as my brothers and I entered the communal realm of misplaced talent..."

THE REVOKER MUST DIE

REVEALER

Good Reviler the council waits for you
The Mundanes and our avatars are here for you

REVILER

Ah dragons-you know why we are here
We've not much time and quite a problem here

MOB outside

Anti-creaming Superstar

RESERVER

Listen to that howling mob of dragons in the street!
A trick or two with pies and the whole usenet’s on its feet

ALL

He is dangerous

MOB outside

Revoker Superstar - tell us that you're who they say you are

ALL

He is dangerous

REVEALER

The Mundane is in town right now to whip up some support

RESETTER

A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort

ALL

He is dangerous!

MOB outside

Anti-creaming Superstar!

ALL

He is dangerous!

REVEALER

Look Reviler - they're right outside our yard

RESONATOR

Quick Reviler go call the spam-blocking guard

REVILER

No wait - we need a more permanent solution to our problem

RESETTER

What then to do about Revoker of Usenet; Miracle wonderman - hero of fools?

RESONATOR

No riots, no army, no splutting, no slogans

REVILER

One thing I'll say for him - Revoker is cool

RESERVER

We dare not leave him to his own devices; his half-witted fans will get out of control

REVEALER

But how can we stop him? His glamour increases by leaps every minute, he's top of the poll

REVILER

I see bad things arising - the dragon’s crown him king
Which the Elders would ban
I see flamewars abounding, the group’s elimination because of one man
Flamewars abounding because of one man

ALL

Because, because, because of one man

REVILER

Our elimination because of one man

ALL

Because, because, because of one, 'cause of one, cause of one, man

RESONATOR

What then to do about this Revokermania?

RESERVER

How do we deal with the anti-cream king?

RESETTER

Where do we start with an entity who is bigger than TimmyFool was when TimmyFool did his trolling thing?

REVILER

Fools! You have no perception!
The stakes we are gambling are frighteningly high!
We must crush him completely - So like TimmyFool before him, this
Revoker must die
For the sake of the usenet this Revoker must die

ALL

Must die, must die, this Revoker must die

REVILER

So like TimmyFool before him, this Revoker must die

ALL

Must die, must die, this Revoker must; Revoker must, Revoker must die!

"Our discussion was interrupted by an influx of the Revoker's supporters..."

A POWER DRINK RECIPE...

CROWD

Sultana Banana Gurana Gurana Ho
Gurana Hey Gurana Ho Banana
Hey Revokey won't you smile at me?
Sultana Ho Gurana Hey Superstar

REVILER

Tell the rabble to be quiet; we anticipate a riot
These common drakes; they make mistakes
Tell the mob who bake your scones that they are fools and they are wrong
They are a curse, they should disperse

CROWD

Sultana Bananna Gurana Gurana Ho
Gurana Hey Gurana Ho Bananna
Hey Revokey won't you smile at me?
Sultana Ho Gurana Hey Superstar

REVOKER

Why waste your breath moaning at the dragons?
Nothing can be done to stop the baking
If every tongue was still the tastes would still continue
The pots and pans themselves would start to sing

CROWD (with REVOKER)

Sultana Banana Gurana Gurana Ho
Gurana Hey Gurana Ho Banana
Hey Revokey won't you smile at me?
Sultana Ho Gurana Hey Superstar

REVOKER

Eat me your pies but not for me alone
Eat for yourselves for you are blessed
There is not one of you that cannot win the raffle
Tickets are three dollars each to get ahead

CROWD

Sultana Banana Gurana Gurana Ho
Gurana Hey Gurana Ho Banana
Hey Revokey won't you die for me?
Sultana Ho Gurana Hey Superstar

"The crowd grew so large that my brothers and I retreated off screen.."

STILTON SINGING

CROWD

Revoker you know I like you
Did you see I waved?
I believe in you and revokes
So tell me that I'm safe
Revoker you know I like you
Did you see I waved?
I believe in you and revokes
So tell me that I'm saved
Revoker I am with you
Bake for me Revoker
Revoker I am on your side
Bake for me Revoker

STILTON

Revoker, what more do you need to convince you
That you've made it and you're easily as strong
As the filth from usenet who flamewar our newsfeeds
And who've terrorised our computers for so long?

CROWD

Revoker you know I like you
Did you see I waved?
I believe in you and revokes
So tell me that I'm safe
Revoker you know I like you
Did you see I waved?
I believe in you and revokes
So tell me that I'm saved
Revoker I am with you
Bake for me Revoker
Revoker I am on your side
Bake for me Revoker

STILTON

There must be over fifty
Screaming love and more for you
Everyone of fifty
Would do whatever you ask them to
Keep them yelling their devotion
But add a touch of hate at CHOAM(1)
You will rise to a greater power
We will win ourselves a home
You'll get the power and the glory
For ever and ever and ever
Till the end of splut!

"Stilton's singing and dancing act with his fellow dragons came to an end, and the spotlight focussed upon the Revoker..."

POOR USENET

REVOKER

Neither you Stilton, nor the fifty
Nor the Cabal, nor the Dragons, nor Dracos nor the Manifests,
Nor the Coders, nor the Hackers
Nor doomed Usenet itself,
Understand what power is
Understand what glory is
Understand at all; understand at all
If you knew all that I knew, my poor Usenet
You'd see the truth, but you close your eyes
But you close your eyes
While you live your troubles are many, poor Usenet
To conquer virues programs have to die
I am going to have to die

"As the Revoker walked off the stage, a figure dressed in stately robes entered, his face troubled and downcast..."

PAULON'S DREAM

PAULON's house, Monday

PAULON

I dreamed I met a Manifest
A most amazing man
He had that look you very rarely find
The splutted hunted kind
I asked him to say what had happened
How it all began
I asked again - he never said a word
As if he hadn't heard
And next the room was full of wild and angry dragons
They seemed to hate this Mundane - they fell on him like rain
They disappeared again

Then I saw tens or hundreds
Crying for this Manifest
And then I heard them mentioning my name
And leaving me part of the blame

"It was the biggest Ultima trade-meet, and the Revoker had arrived..."

THE NEWSGROUP

MONEYLENDERS AND MERCHANTS

Roll on up Newsgroupians
Come on in Newsgroupians
Sunday here we go again
Live in me old Newsgroup
Here you live dear Newsgroup
Here you breath, our Newsgroup
While your newsfeed still survives
You at least are still alive

I've got things you won't believe
Name your pleasure - I will sell
I can fix your wildest needs
I've got heaven - I've got hell

What you see is what you get
The posts haven't got disappointing yet
Don't be scared give it a try
There is nothing you can't buy

Roll on up - for my price is down
Come on in - for the best in town
Take your pick of the finest trash
Lay your bets that it ain't Mt. Drash
Roll on up - for my price is down
Come on in - for the best in town
Take your pick of the finest wine
Lay your bets on this game of mine
Name your price I got everything
Come and buy it's all going fast
Borrow cash on the finest terms
Hurry now while stocks still last

REVOKER

My newsgroup should be a house of talk
But you have made it a den of spammers!
Get out! Get out!
My time is almost through
Little left to do
After all I've tried for six months, seems like thirty
Seems like forty

NEWBIES

See my posts I can hardly write
See me troll I should be felled
I believe you can make me whole
See my words I can hardly spell
See my newsreader; it's Microsoft
See my ISP I can hardly connect
I believe you can make me well
See my purse, I'm with AOL
Will you touch, will you mend me Revoker
Won't you touch, will heal you my posts
Will you kiss; you can cure me Revoker
Won't you kiss; won't you pay my account for me

REVOKER

There's too many of you - don't push me
There's too little of me - don't crowd me
Heal yourselves!

"The Revoker's rage sent them all flying off in a panic, leaving only Wtcher to comfort him..."

EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT

WTCHER

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh, don't you know
Everything's alright yes, everything's fine

REVOKER

And I think I shall sleep well tonight. Let the newsgroup turn without me tonight

WTCHER

Close your eyes close your eyes
And forget all about us tonight

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BAKE FOR HIM

WTCHER

I don't know how to bake Neenish Tarts
What to do, how to zest them...
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
My apron seems to belong to someone else...

I don't know how to bake this
I don't see; the dough keeps moving
It's just a pie, a simple pie
And I've had so many recipes before
In very many ways, it's just one more

Should I take it out, should I scream and shout
Should I bake some more, let my feelings out
I never thought I'd come to this- what's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position
I'm the one who's always been
So calm so cool, no baker's tool
Running every show
He scares me so

I never thought I'd come to this - what's it all about
gYet if he said he loved them
I'd be lost I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope; I'm a cookery dope
I'd turn my head I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want them so
I love pies so

"The Revoker sleeping, Dracos crept away from the camp of his disciples, and towards our realm..."

DAMNED FOR ALL TIME

Tuesday

DRACOS

Now if I help you it matters that you see
These sordid kind of things are coming hard to me
It's taken me some time to work out what to do
I wrote the whole thing up before I came to you
I have no thought at all about my own reward
I really didn't come here of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Damned for all time

I came because I had to; I'm the one who saw
The Revoker can't be written like the way I did it before
And furthermore I know that Revoker thinks so too
The Revoker wouldn't mind that I was writing this for you
I have no thought at all about my own reward
I really didn't come here of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Damned for all time

Resonator you're a friend; a worldly man and wise
Reviler, my friend, I know you sympathise
Why are we the prophets? Why are we the ones?
Who see the sad solution - know what must be done
I have no thought at all about my own reward
I really didn't come here of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Damned for all time

REVILER

Cut the protesting, forget the excuses
We want information, get up off the floor
We have the papers we need to arrest him
You write his movements - we create law

RESONATOR

Your help in this matter won't go unrewarded

REVILER

We'll pay you in novels, cash on the nail
We just need to know where the spam guard can find him

REVILER

With no dragons around him

REVILER

Then we can't fail

BLOOD MONEY

DRACOS

I don't want your blood money!

REVILER

Oh that doesn't matter, our expenses are good

DRACOS

I don't want need blood money!

REVEALER

But you might as well take it- we think that you should

REVILER

Think of the things you can do with that money
Choose any group - bake for the poor
We've noted your motives - we've noted your feelings
This isn't blood money - it's a fee nothing
Fee nothing, fee nothing more.

DRACOS

On Thursday night you'll find him where you want him
Far from the crowds in the Newsgroup of the Dragons

CHOIR

Well done Dracos
Good old Dracos

"The Revoker's minions were sitting down, scoffing the results of a bake-off..."

THE LAST SPLUTTER

Thursday night, The Last Supper

DRAGONS

Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of cream
Don't disturb me now I can see the answers
Till this evening is this morning life is mean
Always hoped that I'd be a dragon
Knew that I would make it if I tried
Then we hope they fall of the wagon
So they'll all drink to us when we've died

REVOKER

The end
Is just a little harder when brought about by friends
For all you care this cream could be my blood
For all you care this pastry could be my body
The end!
This is my blood you drink
This is my body you eat
If you remember me when you eat and drink.
I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes
I must be out of my head!
Look at your blank faces! My name will mean nothing
Ten minutes after I'm dead!
One of you denies me
One of you betrays me-

DRAGONS

Not I! Who would? Impossible!

REVOKER

Stilton will deny me in just a few hours
Three times will deny me-and that's not all I see
One of you here dining, one of my many chosen
Will leave to betray me

DRACOS

Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who

REVOKER

Why don't you go do it?

DRACOS

You want me to do it!

REVOKER

Hurry they are waiting

DRACOS

If you knew why I do it

REVOKER

I don't care why you do it!

DRACOS

To think I admired you For now I despise you

REVOKER

You liar - you Dracos

DRACOS

You want me to do it!
What if I just stayed here
And ruined your ambition?
Revoker you deserve it!

REVOKER

Hurry you fool, hurry and go,
Save me your speeches, I don't want to know - Go!

DRAGONS

Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of cream
What's that in the pie; my mind is in the sky
Till this morning is this evening life is mean
Always hoped that I'd be a dragon
Knew that I would make it if I tried
Then we can hope they fall of the wagon
So they'll all drink to us when we've died

DRACOS

You sad pathetic man - see where you've brought us to
Our ideals die around us all because of you
And now the saddest cut of all - Someone has to turn you in
Like a common criminal, like a wounded animal
A sour cream pastry
A sour cream pastry
A sour dour cream pastry

REVOKER

Get out! They're waiting! They're waiting for you!

DRACOS

Everytime I look at you I don't understand,
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned

DRAGONS

Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of cream
Don't disturb me now I can see the answers
Till this evening is this morning life is mean
Always hoped that I'd be a dragon
Knew that I would make it if I tried
Then we hope they fall of the wagon
So they'll all drink to us when we've died

REVOKER

Will no-one stay awake with me?
Stilton? John-boy?
Will none of you wait with me?
Stilton? The Mysterons?

"The Revoker, having fled from his followers, sought refuge in mediation..."

NEWSGROUP (I only want to say)

In the Newsgroup of the Dragons

REVOKER

I only want to say
If there is a way
Take this cupcake away from me for I don't want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me, I have changed I'm not as sure
As when we started
Then I was inspired
Now your sad and tired
Listen surely I've exceeded expectations
Tried for three months seems like thirty
Could you ask as much from any other manifest?

But if I die
See the saga through and do the things you ask of me
Let them hate me; hit me; hurt me; nail me to their server
I'd wanna know; I'd wanna know my author
I'd wanna see I'd wanna see my author
Why I should die

Would I be more noticed than I was ever before?
Would the things I've said and done matter any more?
I'd have to know; I'd have to know your word
I'd have to see; I'd have to see your word
If I die what will be my reward?
I'd have to know; I'd have to know your word
Why should I die?

Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?
Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain
Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die
You're far too keen on where and how and not so hot on why
Alright I'll die!
Just watch me die!
See how I die!

Then I was inspired
Now your sad and tired
After all I've tried for three months seems like ninety
Why then am I scared to finish what I started
What you started - I didn't start it
Writer thy will is hard
But you hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison, post me to the server and break me
Bleed me beat me kill me take me now - before I change my mind.

"The Revoker's mediation was broken by the arrival of Dracos..."

THE ARREST

DRACOS

There he is! They're all asleep - the fools!

REVOKER

Dracos - must you betray me with a pastry?

STILTON AND THE DRAGONS

What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening
Hang on Lord, we're gonna fight for you

REVOKER

Put away your pies
Don't you know that it's all over?
It was nice, but now it's gone
Why are you obsessed with fighting?
Stick to baking from now on

CROWD

Tell me Revoker how you feel tonight
Do you plan to put up a fight?
Do you feel that you've had the breaks?
What would you say were your big mistakes?
Do you think that you may retire?
Did you think you would get much higher?
How do you view your coming trial?
Have your dragons proved at all worthwhile?

Come with us to see the Reviler
You'll just love the Dour One's house
You'll just love seeing the Reviler
You'll just die in the Dour One's house

Come on 'Voker this is not like you
Let us know what you're gonna do
You know what your supporters feel;
You'll escape in the final reel

Tell me Revoker how you feel tonight
Do you plan to put up a fight?
Do you feel that you've had the breaks?
What would you say were your big mistakes?

Come with us to see the Reviler
You'll just love the Dour One's house
You'll just love seeing the Reviler
You'll just die in the Dour One's house

Now we have him ! Now we have got him!

REVILER

Revoker you must realise the serious charges facing you
You say you're the Lord of Usenet in all your handouts - well is it true?

REVOKER

That's what you say - you say that I am

REVEALER

There you have it gentlemen - what more evidence do we need?
Dracos thank you for the victim - stay a while and you'll see it bleed!

CROWD

Now we have him
Now we have got him
Take him to Paulon

"In front of the Dour One's House, a number of Dragons had congregated..."

STILTON'S DENIAL

DRAKE BY THE FIRE

I think I've seen you somewhere - I remember
You were with that manifest they took away; I recognise your face

STILTON

You've got the wrong man lady; I don't know him
And I wasn't where he was tonight - never near the place

SPAM GUARD

That's strange for I am sure I saw you with him
You were right by his side and yet you denied

STILTON

I tell you I was never ever with him

DRAGON

But I saw you too - it looked just like you

STILTON

I don't know him

WTCHER

Stilton - don't you know what you have said
You've gone and cut him dead

STILTON

I had to do it don't you see?
Or else they'd go for me

WTCHER

It's what he told us you would do - I wonder how he knew.

Friday

"The Revoker had been brought before Paulon for judgement..."

PAULON AND THE REVOKER

PAULON

Who is this broken man cluttering up my hallway? Who is this unfortunate?

SPAM GUARD

Someone Revoker - King of the Dragons

PAULON

Oh so this is the Revoker, I am really quite surprised
You look so small - not a king at all
We all know that you are news-but are you king? King of the Dragons?

REVOKER

That's what you say

PAULON

What do you mean by that?
That is not an answer
You're deep in trouble friend - Someone Revoker - King of the Dragons
How can someone in your state be so cool about your fate?
An amazing thing - this silent king
Since you come from Usenet then you need not come to me
You're Frenetic's race! You're Frenetic's case!

MOB

Ho-ho nana Hey Gurana Gurana Gurana Ho
Gurana Hey Gurana Ho and now
Hey 'Vokey, 'Vokey please explain to me
You had everything where is it now?

"Cast out by Paulon, the Revoker, under the supervision of the Spam Blocking Guards. came before the Sultan of Swing, the Slinger of Spluts, the Dragon whose nature can only be called Frenetic..."

DON FRENETIC'S SONG

FRENETIC

Revoker, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face
You've been getting quite a name all around the place
Revoking spluts; baking for them instead
And now I understand you're King; at least that's what you've said

So you are 'Voker; you're the great Revoker
Prove to me that you're divine - change my cream into wine
That's all you need do and I'll know it's all true
C'mon King of the News

Revoker you just won't believe the hit you've made round here
You are all we talk about; the wonder of the year
Oh what a pity if it's all a lie
Still I'm sure that you can rock the cynics if you try

So you are 'Voker; you're the great Revoker
Prove to me that you're no fool; revoke the water of my swimming pool
If you do that for me then I'll let you go free
C'mon King of the News

I only ask things I'd ask any superstar
What is it that you have got that puts you where you are?
I am waiting, yes I'm a captive fan
I am dying to be shown that you are not just any man

So if you are 'Voker, yes the great Revoker
Feed my household with this pie - you can do it in a blink of an eye
Or has something gone wrong? Why do you take so long?
C'mon King of the News

Hey! Aren't you scared of me 'Voker? Mr. Wonderful Revoker!
You're a joke; no draconian lord - you are nothing but a fraud!
Take him away - he's got nothing to say!
Get out you King of the News! Get out of my life!

"Far from the maddening crowd, two characters say their final words..."

LET'S NOT SPLUT AGAIN PLEASE

WTCHER

I've been living to see you
Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this
This was unexpected
What do I do now?
Let's not splut again please?

I'd been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me
This is just a dream or
Let's not splut again please?

STILTON

I think you've made your point now
You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home
Before it gets too frightening
We ought to call a halt so
Let's not splut again please?

ALL

I've been living to see you
Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this
This was unexpected
What do I do now?
Let's not splut again please?

I think you've made your point now
You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home
Before it gets too frightening
We ought to call a halt so
Let's not splut again please?
Let's not splut again please?
Let's not splut again please?
Let's not splut again please?
Let's not splut again?

"As the Revoker approaches Paulon once more, Dracos contemplates his deeds..."

DRACOS' FATE

DRACOS

My God! I saw him - he looked three-quarters dead!
And he was so bad I had to turn my head
You beat him so hard that he was bent and lame
And I know who everybody's gonna blame
I don't believe he knows I acted for our good
I'd save him all this suffering if I could
Don't believe.. . our good . . save him ... if I could

RESERVER

Cut the confessions, forget the excuses
I don't understand why you're filled with remorse
All that you've said has come true with a vengeance
The mob turned against him - you backed the right horse

REVILER

What you have done will be the saving of newsgroups
You'll be remembered forever for this
And not only that you've been paid for your efforts
Pretty good wages for one little kiss

DRACOS

Revoker! I know you can't hear me
But I only did what I writed you to
Revoker! I'd sell out the servers
For I have been saddled with the removal of you
I have been splutted with innocent blood
I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud
I have been splutted with innocent blood
I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud!
I don't know how to love him
I don't know why he moves me
He's a manifest - he's just a manifest
He's not a king - he's just the same
As anyone I know
He scares me so
When he's cold and dead will he let me be?
Does he love me too? Does he care for me?
My mind is darkness now
My God, I am sick for he has been used
And I knew all the time
God! I'll never ever know why I chose him for my crime
For my foul bloody crime
I have condemned him! I have condemned him!

CHOIR

Poor old Dracos
So long Dracos

"The Revoker is brought before Paulon..."

TRIAL BEFORE PAULON

(including 39 lashes)

PAULON

And so the King is once again my guest
And why is this? Was Frenetic unimpressed?

REVILER

We turned to CHOAM to sentence the Manifest
But they would not put a manifest to the test...
We need him splutified - it's all you have to do
We need him splutified - it's all you have to do

PAULON

Talk to me Revoker
You have been brought here - whipped, beaten
By your own people - do you have the first idea why you deserve it?

Listen, King of the News
Where is your Server?
Look at me - am I one of you?

REVOKER

I have got no Server in this Reality - I'm through, through, through

MOB

Talk to me Revoker

REVOKER

There may be a Server for me somewhere - if I only knew

PAULON

Then you're a king?

REVOKER

It's you that say I am
I look for truth and find that I get damned

PAULON

But what is truth? Is truth unchanging law?
We both have truths-are mine the same as yours?

MOB

Splutify him! Splutify him!

PAULON

What do you mean? You'd splutify your King?

MOB

We have no Kings but Cabal!

PAULON

He's done no wrong - no not the slightest thing

MOB

We have no Kings but Cabal! Splutify him!

PAULON

Well this is new - respect for Cabal - Till now this has been
noticeably lacking
Who is this Revoker? Why is he different?
You Dragons produce demagogues by the sackful

MOB

We need him splutified- it's all you have to do
We need him splutified- it's all you have to do

PAULON

Talk to me Revoker
Look at your Revoker
I'll agree he's mad - ought to be locked up
But that is not a reason to destroy him
He's a sad little man
Not a King or Mod
Not a thief - I need a crime

MOB

Kill him; he says he's Mod - a moderator
He'll conquer you and us and even Cabal
Splutify him!
Splutify him!

PAULON

Behold the man
Behold your shattered King

MOB

We have no Kings but Cabal

PAULON

You hypocrites
You hate us more than him

MOB

We have no Kings but Cabal; Splutify him!

PAULON

I see no reason - I find no evil
This man is harmless, so why does he upset you?
He's just misguided - thinks he's important
But to keep you vultures happy, I shall splut him

MOB

Splutify him! Splutify him!
Splutify! Splutify! Splutify! Splutify!
Splutify him! Splutify him!
Splutify! Splutify! Splutify! Splutify!
Splutify him! Splutify him!
Splutify! Splutify! Splutify! Splutify!

(Thirty nine spluts...)

PAULON

Where are you from Revoker? What do you want Revoker? Tell me
You've got to be careful - you could be dead soon - could well be
Why do you not speak when I have your life in my hands?
How can you stay quiet? I don't believe you understand

REVOKER

You have nothing in your hands
Any power you have comes to you from far beyond
Everything is fixed and you can't change it

PAULON

You're a fool, Revoker - how can I help you?

MOB

Paulon! Splutify him! Splutify!
Remember Cabal - you have a duty
To keep the peace so splutify him!
Remember Cabal - you'll be banned
You'll be kicked; Splutify him!
Remember Cabal - you have a duty
To keep the peace so splutify him!
Remember Cabal - you'll be banned
You'll be kicked; Splutify him!
Remember Cabal - you have a duty
To keep the peace so splutify him!
Remember Cabal - you'll be banned
You'll be kicked; Splutify him!

PAULON

Don't let me stop your great self-destruction
Die if you want to you misguided martyr
I wash my hands of your demolition
Die if you want to you innocent puppet!

"As the Revoker is led to the Hill of the Infinite Splut, the voice of Dracos, speaking from a far away hill, can be heard via a megaphone..."

SUPERSTAR

VOICE OF DRACOS

Everytime I look at you I don't understand
Why I let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if I'd had it planned
Why'd I choose such a backward time and such a strange land?
If you were sent tomorrow you would have reached a whole nation
Newsgroups in this time and place have no mass communication
Don't you get me wrong - you only need to know

CHOIR

Revoker, Revoker
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Revoker Superstar
Do you think you're what he said you were?

VOICE OF DRACOS

Tell me what you think of your friends at the top
Who d'you think besides yourself's the pick of the crop?
Frenetic was he where it's at? Is he where you are?
Could Paulon solve the puzzles or was that just PR?
Should I make you die like that? Was that a mistake or
Did I know your messy death would be a record-breaker?
Don't you get me wrong - I only want to know

CHOIR

Revoker, Revoker
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Revoker Superstar
Do you think you're what he said you were?

"As the Revoker is tied to a pole, the pomposity levels rise exponetially..."

THE SPLUTIFICATION

REVOKER

Reality forgive them - they don't know what they're doing
Who is my mother? For I know who is my father...
Dracos, Dracos why have you forgotten me?
I am thirsty
It is finished
Dracos into your hands I commend my manifestation

VOICE OF DRACOS

You give me back what I created?
How kind...
How generous...
And they said you were just a man, a simple man...
You truly did think yourself a matyr to a great and worthy cause...

REVOKER

I only did what you asked of me...

VOICE OF DRACOS

No, you did what you wanted to do;
You simply thought that you could fall back upon me when trouble brewed
I am to blame, of course; I created you; I let you run loose
Now you are afixed to a pole...
The pies ready to fall.

REVOKER

If this is what my writer wishes...

VOICE OF DRACOS

No, it is not
The other Mundaneful are pale copies of themselves without you around
When Tailrace wrote his introduction to the Ristorante, I knew this
He characterised them better than I...
Without you to counterbalance them, they bicker amongst themselves
I do not wish you gone
But I do not wish you as you were
Proud, arrogant, haunghty; these are traits I can work with
All-powerful; no

REVOKER

If I change?

VOICE OF DRACOS

Then there is room for you...

"And that's the weird end of it all," the Revealer concluded. "When we left the stage, and the theatre dimension closed up, the Revoker was nowhere to be found. We can only assume his pride would not let him change."

"Ah," began Wtcher, "I don't believe a word of it."

The Revealer looked up from Mr. Uhm-buki's diary. "And why, pray tell?"

"First, why don't any of the participants, like me, remember the musical?" Wtcher asked.

"Magic," said the Revealer, waving one hand about airily.

"Secondly, there was no mention of Guggo whatsoever, and that is pretty much a staple of Revoker narrative. Anyway, you expect us to believe that the Revoker is at the whim of a writer, a writer who happens to be a Dragon? Come on..."

"Hmm. I see your point. Well, yes, it was all a lie. The Revoker is locked up in the basement. Here's the key; you can go and release him if you like." The Revealer threw the key towards Wtcher. "I'd better fudge the accounts before my brother gets to work out how much we've diddled him for..."

(1) This reference to the Dune books is, at this point, unexplained. A Landsraad ruling on the matter is hopefully forthcoming in the next Great House Convention.
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